Over the holiday season, I had a chance to interview the author of a new book called, “Raise the Child You’ve Got, Not the One You Want”.
As the mother of a 16 year old daughter, I was all ears and eyes open. Raising a teen is not for the faint of heart. It comes with often unexpected joys, and challenges.
Parenting is the one job you get that makes you wish you had a owner’s guide and the one that comes with no instructions at all,so great resources make the job just a little easier.
When I read through the book, it provided some very good insights. I loved Nancy’s feedback and honesty. She addresses our need as parents to do some very appropriate grieving at times for the decisions and choices we wish that our children would make, as well as letting go of who we thought our children would be. She encourages you to embrace your child’s gifts, talents and abilities and nurture them even when they take you both in surprising directions.
I jumped at the opportunity of asking just a few more questions, and Nancy so graciously gave me a chance to ask them and get answers from her experience.
My Q&A with Nancy Rose author of “Raise the Child You’ve Got, Not the One You Want”
1. In your book, you have a lot of great recommendations for accepting your child as the person they are vs. the one you want them to be. When there is a lot of frustration, in the relationship what have you found to be most effective to get parents and children out of the negative cycle?
The first step in the parents’ path to acceptance is to step back and admit that there are things about our child that we aren’t seeing. I believe that, “The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.” Ask yourself, “How well do I really know my child?’
2. Dealing with generational differences, meaning how you parent vs. how your parents raised you. Do you have some suggestions on how to handle/deal with people who question the way you are handling things?
It can be difficult to “stand in your own space” with your relatives if you are insecure about what you’re doing. If, however, you have conviction that what you’re doing is best for your child (whether it’s leading with acceptance or some other parenting style), you can be clear and confident with your family. It’s also possible that when they see the results of leading with acceptance, they will be supportive.
3. What can parents do to prepare for themselves for the changes they will see in their children as they enter into their teenage years?
The very best thing you can do to prepare for the teenage years is to be emotionally present with your children as they grow up. If they know that you can handle the whole range of emotions they may be feeling, they will open up to you and value that connection through their turbulent teenage years. If you don’t allow them to show their sadness, fear, frustration or anger, however, they will not share their struggles and will be less likely to come to you for support.
4. What do you recommend to parents to help them deal with the “in between time” once they implement these changes, and they are waiting for the child to respond?
The power of acceptance is so profound that even small shifts by parents will have quick impact. Just a change in how we think about our child’s CoreSelf will help the parent/child relationship. When we change our language, the shifts will be even stronger. Try it…you’ll be amazed!
As a parent, it is great to have resources that stretch you and give you other ways to see your child and yourself as a parent. Who wouldn’t want to improve their relationship with the child you have been given the gift of parenting.
In this book, Nancy Rose provides some options and opportunities to look at your child in a different way and then use those lessons to impact your child and improve your relationship with them for the better.
If you want to take a closer look at the book, or purchase your own copy. Click here
I received a copy of this book from the author for my review. The opinions are my own.