Can I share a secret with you and I mean a real secret….do you know that one of my biggest regrets is over 20+ years old. My college list had two colleges on it Spellman College and Drexel University. When I went to talk to my counselor about Drexel she said don’t you want to go to cosmetology school, now I my mom and dad both have been talking to me about college since I was 5 years old so college so deciding not to go to college was never an option. If I am going to be honest, her words put some unconscious doubts in my head about whether or not I “belonged” in college, so I never applied to Drexel.
My first choice though was Spellman College. I wanted to go to an all girl school, I wanted the experience of being around world changing, intelligent women because I always knew I was one, as well. I wanted to be challenged, and stretched, I just knew that was where I needed to be. I had never been there to visit, but I just knew it was the right school for me. I was all set to apply, and I was excited I was a good student overall, smart, incredibly active. Everything was ready to go, and then my first quarter report card came out, all A’s and one E, in Elementary Functions. That one grade changed everything for me after that “E” I couldn’t even bring myself to apply, it was a wrap. They weren’t going to reject me! I was going to withdrawal my application before they ever got a chance to see it. One of the worst decisions of my life! Imagine my frustration and disappointment when I found out that a girl who was similar to me, straight A’s except for one E in Elementary Functions, and as active as I was in school applied and got accepted I closed my own door because I was afraid of a NO. I was afraid I would get rejected, and I was heartbroken. I feared something that never happened, and I never even tried!
The question that you face daily is not whether you can do something, the question is normally, whether you will! I am totally convinced that each of us has what it takes to be successful. There is no question in my mind that you are all gifted and talented, there is something in you that is ready to change the world. Real Talk, there are very few people who will ever push themselves far enough to see what is possible in their own lives. They will take themselves out of the running just like I did with my college application. Maybe you know someone who has done the same things in their own lives, you may even know them intimately.
Life choices, fear, and those naughty voices inside of our heads that make us second guess ourselves are real, and they can stop us before we ever start. The chitter and chatter around us, the voices of others, and those rumbling that make us feel like we can’t do something, and after a while the small amount of courage you had is gone. You close the doors of opportunity before you ever get a chance to start the process. It is similar to having the audition of a lifetime offered to you, and deciding not to show up because you are afraid that you might fail.
Not applying to that school haunts me to this day, it is a driver for me. I won’t miss out on another opportunity, and I won’t quit again. I can’t get that opportunity back it is gone forever, but the gift is I won’t let anyone else who comes in my presence turn their back on an opportunity that could change their life.
THIS YEAR DREAM BIGGER!!!
My heartfelt plea to you today is GO FOR IT, not tomorrow, TODAY! Don’t take yourself out of the running before you start again. If you fail, at least you know it wasn’t because you didn’t try.
What was one of your biggest regrets? Is there a decision that you made out of fear that you wish you could change?
Ahhhh…. those voices inside our heads. They are hard sometimes not to listen to them. I have learned after many, many years to just go with my gut. Right or wrong that is how I do it.
I feel the same, I regret not pushing myself forward more
I have definitely closed some of my own doors for fear of being rejected – and I continue to at times! A good reminder…
Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve also avoided trying new things because of a fear of rejection. One of my favorite Oprah quotes is that a mistake is only a bad thing if you don’t learn from it. You’ve learned and now will do great things!
There are dreamers and doers. At least that is what I was always told. Not to dream, just do. Looking back I think it was bad advise.
Dream, dream big and then go do.
I can totally relate to this! I wanted so badly to go NYU, but my father refused to allow me to apply for financial aid. He thought I shouldn’t go if I didn’t get a scholarship. And then, a school in the midwest DID offer me a scholarship, but I was too terrified about being unpopular and living on the dorm to even consider or look at them. Those 2 things are the biggest regrets for me, and to this day, I didn’t complete my degree. I’m close, but no where what I want it to be 🙁 Thanks for sharing!
You know, I think many of us are guilty of dreaming too small, I know I am.
Great inspiration to reach high today!
Such a great reminder. It’s a shame to miss out on great experiences due to fear and insecurity. Thanks for sharing!
SO inspiring . I will dream high , always .
All of us have tons of negative voices in our heads from our childhood.
Once you recognize where they come from you will be able to deal with voice and even smile at them.
Was Spellman the school that Whitney and Dwayne went to on the spin-off television show of the Cosby show? I don’t think so, but it automatically popped in my head when I started reading today. Random.
Regrets like that are so hard to get rid of, but you sound like you’ve grown so much and that is a big deal. Good job.
Great post! I think decisions are always so much harder to make when you are younger and when you look back you can ask yourself, “Why did I do that?”
I don’t have too many regrets. We can always second guess ourselves and if we do that we loose sight of the bigger picture. Instead of having regrets about not applying, apply now. Got back to school now. Look to the future and not the past.
We are teaching our kids to dream big. We are encouraging them to fulfill those dreams!
Fantastic post – I love the idea of dreaming ‘bigger’ perhaps I should try and start doing it myself 🙂 x
One of my biggest regrets was not pursuing the major I was interested in because everyone told me I could never make any money in it.
I’m a big fan of dreaming big! I think we often limit ourselves based on the assumptions we have about ourselves, and we hold ourselves back. The power is not in wishing we had dreamed bigger in the past but in knowing we can dream bigger starting now! Thanks so much for sharing part of your journey with us.
GO GIRL!!! I am glad you feel it now. Never dream lower, just be on cloud nine while having a dream girl! 🙂
I’m with you on this dream big! I’ve told my daughter to apply to every college she can because then she’ll have choices. It’s all about choices. I’m sorry you withdrew your application, you just never know what might have happened. You never know until you try!
My biggest regret is not going to University (a job opportunity came up as I was finishing college….) but if I went to Uni I wouldn’t have met my amazing husband, nor gone to temporarily live in Germany with him for three years, nor have two amazingly beautiful children 🙂
I really like that you use your regret as a motivator. That’s something I’d love to be able to do instead of wallowing in it. My biggest regret, well I have a few but I wish I’d never moved to NJ from CA. That was a big mistake that I’m still paying for.
As far as making the wrong decision out of fear, I wish I’d never left school so early out of fear.
What a great post. I completely understand this post. It resonates with me.
I try not to have regrets, thats why if I want to try something, I do. Even if it makes my hubby made. lol
mad, I meant lol
Any dream is a big dream 🙂 It’s the one you never allowed yourself to think of that’s too small. If you don’t feel like it’s right, maybe you didn’t expand on the dream or goal. Reach out, get out of the box and dream big!
Although I have many regrets and would consider do-overs in many areas of my life, I do think that most of my regrets come from things I didn’t do, and not from things I did do. I have done some things and made huge mistakes, but at least I tried. Like your college application, not doing is worse than doing and failing.
I think it is so important to challenge ourselves and to reach for our goals no matter how big they may be. Thank you for the reminder to not settle for less.
I absolutely agree with you. I am the only person in my family that has a Master’s Degree. I was the first to go to college and have inspired other members of my family to go to college. It was very difficult being a mom (many of those years single) and juggling it all. I didn’t give up and I still have so many dreams that have yet to be realized.
I regret that I did not go to college sooner than couple years ago. I do not know why I didn’t. I think it was total fear that I would fail and it would not work out. If you have dreams you just need to go for it and try.
This is a great inspiring post. I try to just do it, don’t worry about failing, if we fail we fail, at least we tried. I am going to be the same way with my kids. Let them try and try and if they fail, let them know it’s ok. I remember once when I was small, probably just a teenager in middle school. I told my parents I wanted to go to law school. I will never forget what my dad told me, he actually discouraged me to go, he said it was too much $$ and only rich people went to law school. REALLY? LOL, but it stuck in my mind. I know I won’t be that way with my kids, because honestly, if I wanted to go to law school when I was older, I would have gone. There are so many things that I have accomplished that I am proud of, that my dad probably would have never thought I would have. I was the first in my fam to graduate from college. I guess this post struck a cord w/me. haha. But I know how even the smallest statement of discouragement can affect a kid because it’s something I remembered to this day.
I believe I can honestly say that I have no regrets. The reason being is because everything that’s happened in my life has made me a stronger person.
Yes. Also, never waste an opportunity to follow your dreams.
Wow i can totally relate to this…! The haunting feeling is the worst!!! You just wish itd go away..i think the BIGGEST mistake you make in life is NOT LIVING. Not doing these things…not experiencing life!!! Because that is the whole point of life!
Sometimes you have to think about the good decisions you have made and appreciate them…because if we always regret bad decisions then we’re not appreciating the good and even if we did choose the right decision we still wouldnt be happy because there is always something else. Thats just my little philosophy to help with the regret! 🙂